cold hearts..?

cold hearts..?

“ ok how did it go?” Pooja shot her question immediately as she walked in to her flat. Avni had already reached home and was lying on the sofa with a packet of potato chips on her lap and a milkshake in the other hand. Pooja took a minute to analyze the whole situation.

A chips packet, milkshake and kabi kushi kabi gam on the Netflix. It was obvious that she had a horrible day.

“ speak up.. I had already told you not to do anything stupid. And I’m sure you did something “ Pooja joined her on the sofa and picked up a handful of chips from the packet.

“ well.. I .. I went and said sorry.” Avni was still not making an eye contact. Her voice was low and eyes set on the chips packet.

“ you apologized??? Seriously? That too to him? Weren’t you there to breakup with him? Why dint you do it?” Pooja was losing her patience. She sat up with her legs crossed and tied her hair into a bun.

“ don’t just shout at me.”

“ok cool.. please say you broke up after you said sorry”

“ um… I actually tried breaking up but I dint” avni was trying to coverup her bullshit.

“avni! I don’t care. You are going tomorrow and breaking up with him at any cost.” Pooja showed her concern in a straight tone.

“ok at least tell me what you were thinking by saying a sorry..” Pooja was still not done with the conversation.

Avni was about to start to speak but the doorbell interrupted her.

“ ill go check. You take your shower. Go freshen up” Avni walked to the door and Pooja walked to the bedroom.

“hey hi avni! Is pooja home?” it was aadi. Pooja’s boyfriend.

“yeah she just reached. Come on in. how come a sudden surprise? “ avni gave him a bean bag to sit on as the sofa was already a mess.” Heh..! I know you wouldn’t mind the mess right?”

“not at all.. “ aadi made himself comfortable on the beanbag.

There was almost a minute of awkward silence and none knew what to talk.

“so.. going out?” avni cared to interrupt.

“ yeah actually she doesn’t know I was about to come so…”

“ oh ok..” the silence again.. avni tried switching the channel but there was nothing interesting at all.

“ so how’s it going with ronny?” Aadi tried his turn to start a convo.

“ um.. its hard of course. Pooja might have told you for sure. I want to breakup with him but I don’t want to at the same time.”

“ why?” aadi was finding it funny how girls over react for a simple problem.

“ because he doesn’t deserve a breakup.” Avni tried answering in a proper way.

“where did deserve come in between? All you need to worry about is about what you want”

“I know… but. I don’t want to be the bad person.”

“ so what do you want to do”

“ okay. Umm its hard to start..”

“ pooja and her one hour showers.. we have got all day.. haha” aadi picked up the remote to switch off the noisy TV.

“well.. “ avni offered him a few chips from the almost ending packet.

“ have you ever been in a state where you know you don’t want something.. but then the other person gives that whole heartedly such that u just cant deny it??.. well., a better example would be.. um… YEAH! PRASAD!! Do u get my point?”

“now who is prasad???”

“ugh!! The Bhagwan ka prasad aadi.. they offer u. but you cant say no if its something that you don’t want to eat right?”

“okay I get it.. so what is ronny? Why do you not want him?”

“ ronny is.. he is just a sweet heart but I cant stick to him my entire life. We are different. But hes such a nice guy that its hard.”

“ so you clearly don’t want green flags?”

“ its not that I don’t want green flags. Its just that he is too much invested and I am not. I wouldn’t want so much efforts. It scares me”

“ I see… why don’t you go and tell him?”

“ I tried being myself and being straight forward that was a little rude sometimes. I thought it would drive him mad and it would come up as a concern. But it never did. I’m concern that he isn’t even concern about my red flags.. “

“ufff… you girls are simply too complicated..” aadi was confused.

“so yeah that is what is happening with me and ronny..” avni concluded.

“oh.. so u feel bad about breaking up with him.”

“ yeah exactly. I know I am being wrong. But being wrong doesn’t mean I don’t want that to happen.”

“then just do it..” aadi made it crystal clear.

“ listen avni..! sometimes what you want may be different. Everything you want comes with a cost. And here, the cost is ronny’s opinion. So just do it for yourself.”

“ yeah and I feel sorry for doing it”

“ its okay.. maybe he’ll accept your apologies.”

“ aadi..!! that’s the problem. I don’t want him to forgive me. cuz I don’t deserve a forgiveness.”

“oh god.. this is insane avni..”

“ I know it is.. but sometimes that’s what you expect. You know you have fucked up and you are genuinely sorry for it and you apologize. But then deep down you are scared of being forgiven because you cant deal with being nice again..”  avni was clear this time

“ I get it..” aadi nodded.

“ hey when did you come? “ pooja walked out to see aadi and avni chatting.

“ hey pooja!” aadi stood up and walked to her.

“listen.,can we go out? “ aadi brushed her hair behind her ears.

“oow… someone’s being romantic.. but I think avni needs me today. She is kind of having a rough day.” Pooja looked at avni.

“ no not at all. you guys please go have some good time.” Avni swooped into the conversation.

“thanks avni..!” aadi walked up to her and gave her a hug. “ u don’t know but you did make me realize what i have been going through.. thank you for having this conversation. “ he whispered into her ears.

“ what do u mean?? “ avni was confused.

“ nothing. But thanks!!” aadi waved a bye.

Avni tried to sort thing in her head about ronny and finally dared to text an entire paragraph to him.

“hey ronny!

I know I've been rude to you recently. But I was doing that just to be a good person. so that you would bring up the topic and we would let go of each other consensually. But I don’t see that happening. Why do you not think I am not fit for you? why are you always so nice and not concerned about my toxicity? I just don’t think this will help either of us grow. So I am daring to finally tell you this. We aren’t meant for each other. I am sorry and please.. i don’t want you to forgive me. let me be the bad person. I hope you find your true love soon..!

-avni”

The WhatsApp popped up a couple of blue ticks and no reply came up. she stared at the message for a couple of minutes and fell a sleep.

The door bell rang again at 10.

Pooja walked in as avni opened the door for her.

“ how did it go?”

Avni clearly saw something strange in her eyes.

“what happened? Are you ok?? “ avni was concerned

Pooja burst into tears and hugged avni tight.

“ hey pooja! What happened talk to me !”

“ aadi.. broke up with me.” pooja managed to talk with her trembling voice.

“ oh my goddd!!!” all the words that aadi whispered in her ears made sense to her. The only thing in her head was, “was aadi being unhappy too??”.. she did not want to question it further as she knew exactly what had happened. She already knew pooja was always too invested in her relationship and she cared very much for aadi. The situation was crystal clear for avni.

“ was he sorry?” avni spoke soft.

“ yes he was.. I want him back....”

“what did you say? Did u take the apologies?” avni wanted to hear the answer desperately..

“ hell no!” pooja broke down in avni’s arms.

“ good!! Its all right! You did the right think! Its okay.. “ she hugged her tight and consoled her. She clicked open ronny’s chat behind pooja’s back while still hugging her tight. She saw the profile for one last time and deleted the contact.